Kat's Thought Of The Day:

Wow. I've been the busiest I've ever been in quite a while.
Still working on my outgoingness, but that will take a lot of time, since I've been a shy girl all my life. But other than that, been enjoying my last couple of weeks.
But let's get serious for a minute or so. I had to watch my best friend almost die last weekend, and it's a painful experience. I had a strong feeling that he would make it though, because he's always pulled through. But those few minutes when you think you might lose someone, are the scariest. It opened my eyes to how much of a problem his drug abuse is getting to be. He keeps mixing narcotics, and thats basically got 'death' written all over it. But he doesn't listen to me. And later on that night when he was back to a better state of mind, and conscious, he asked why I was really quiet. I told him I was thinking, but in reality I was pissed off!! First off, he lied to me about how much he had actually taken. Secondly, I have absolutely no tolerance for drugs. That disrespect could have made me stubborn all week, but because he is my best friend I've decided to let it go for now. But I do hope that he is serious about stopping drugs altogether.. it'd be much healthier for him physical-wise.. and me emotional-wise.
Anyways, so today in church we started Journey (which is a class for new beginners and even faithful Christians to refresh their faith). It's my first time, and our first class was today and it was really enjoyable! Pastor Darren made absolutely perfect sense in his preaches and I am excited for Encounter (our ending trip).
But yeah. So, this is it. My commitment to God, is finally being made. And will be dawned upon others soon enough. I am quitting my own unhealthy lifestyle. Here's what I have to break up with (bear with me, its a disgusting, and long list): Smoking (I've been smoking since I was 14. I've quit many times, but this time I'm holding my ground); Drinking (this one is the most concern, because I come from two alcoholics, and a family line of alcoholism. I also enjoyed drinking alot, but the most enjoyable habits are hardest to break, so I know I can come out of this one); Swearing (Man, I swear like a sailor. Especially when I am MAD!!! But really, what is the point? It shall end.); Sexual Immorality (Needless to say, I have an unhealthy relationship with my most recent ex-boyfriend. This is not something we should have taken so lightly. So the ties to this will also be cut); Using God's Name in Vain (We've all done it at one point. I just didn't realize how much. But it's just as easy to replace it with something as simple as "gosh" or even a word that you make up on your own!); And I think those are the strongest areas. It's going to be difficult. No one said it'd be a walk in the park, or anything. But even though I've lived this unclean lifestyle for a while now, I know, KNOW in my heart that God would never give me something that I couldn't handle or didn't have options for. So I know that this all is possible. It takes time. And there may (and most likely will be) fallbacks. But with my faith beside me, and God with me, I know I can do all this.
Oh and another thing: I, myself will never directly bring up religion in a conversation. You might ask why, because a lot of people in my position would. A) Our church/cell doesn't call what we do a 'religion'. B) I KNOW that religion is a means for strong opinions that can lead to pointless, aimless fighting. I do not, and rarely push my opinions on others (most of the time, but understand that I can be stubborn.. it's genetic! ha ha), and I won't be changing that. So no matter what I love you all.
I know that through this all I will probably lose some friendships, and quite a few might be changed because of my new lifestyle, but in the end I am making my life better. Why do some people find that hard to understand? And also, I've felt better than I have ever felt in my life. Why do some people also question this? I've seen people around me lose friends because of all of this. What is it about one's happiness that makes others break away? Either way.. I loved you all at one point.. If I lose any of you I will miss you and all of the times (no matter how immoral or bad) that we shared together. And if you stay in my life no matter what I choose to do or say, then I know that I have a friend for life...
I love you all. Have a good night!

Soo, interesting night. Interesting night indeed!
 So after babysitting yesterday, I came home and took a shower. I then proceeded Downtown & seen Chasers @ Tim Horton's. We walked around randomly for a bit with a small group of people and then went separate ways for we were supposed to go to Mac Park for Shorty's bday. I texted Crystal like I was supposed to, and told her to meet us down there.
 So I see Shorty and Her, MIranda, Chase, and I catch the Tranquille bus to Mac Park. Chase & I meet up with with Crystal and head towards the skate park. I start drinking the half a mickey of Bacardi Apple Rum that I have left. Then we find out that people have gone their separate ways and the only people around are the one's going to Night's. Since Crystal, Chase, and myself are too old we break from the group and head out. Chase then sees some minors he knows and decides he's going to boot for them. Crystal decides she wants to go to the bar so we drop her off at her place and proceed on towards 7-11.
Chase boots, and we eventually meet up with another larger group of people. I'm helping Chase with his Smirnoff Ice while having a few shots of Bacardi White. I have more control over tonight's drinking that I like, where I only get a good buzz. So then in all randomosity, the group takes different directions but your guaranteed to have someone to talk to. I go into 7-11 to use the washroom when Nerissa wants to talk to me. So she's telling me about the difficult time she's going through right now (and I pray to God that he guides her through this difficult time), and then she tells me that she really likes Chase. It threw me off guard because I would never have suspected it! So I tell her I'll get a good word in for her. Then after my washroom break I head back out and talk to random people, having an overall good night. Then here's where the trouble begins, people start mixing their alcohol with drugs. I out of all people know that you need a high tolerance to mix the two together. That and it's just a dumb idea in general. Unless your idea of a fun night is blacking out and/or puking, which is not mine. Anyways, so the weed & E start getting passed around (I don't do drugs, FYI). Some typical drama breaks out. Things settle down for a while and people are generally having a good time. Then Nerissa starts having a major panic attack. And for some reason the cops were informed and they come out and check it out. We thought we were busted so we started walking from the school, then a cop stops us but Nerissa tells him that she's going through a rough time, and she had a panic attack, and her dad is dying and everything so the cop wishes her the best and that our evening goes well. He asked if we had anymore alcohol, and we said no, so he just let us go (Thank God, that would have been TROUBLE otherwise). So we start leaving the park. Then Sho (another girl who was with our small group of about..5) started stumbling and not able to walk (the combination started taking effect probably) so we lie her on the ground for a second and Robyn (her gf) was really scared and such because it reminded her of when her dad had a heart attack, so I was holding her and calming her down because she was freaking out and saying that she couldn't look at her and everything. So Chase & Jenna & Nerissa are looking after Sho and I'm watching after Robyn and trying to calm her down, by repeating that everything was okay and that everyone was looking out for each other because we're all friends so we have each others backs. So after a while everyone's okay enough to at least walk a little so we try to make it back to 7-11. Then a repeat episode of the above happened and the same result. So we finally make it back to Sev and we wait for Chase's mom to pick us up. She finally arrives (Wu-cha!) and we give Nerissa & Jenna a ride. I hope that Robyn & Sho made it home safely. But yeah.. sooo ... you'd think the drama would be over right? Wrong-O my friend. So now it's Chase's Mom, Chase, and myself and then we're driving back to Chase's house when not even 5 minutes later I feel the van swerve and i'm like what the eff? I look and there's this large native woman who's a quarter of the way onto the road and crying. So everyone gets out. Apparently she was part of a domestic dispute with her husband. He kicked her in the head and what not and was nowhere to be seen (the bastard). But yeah so we decide to give her a lift home to make sure that she gets back safe. On the way I'm hugging her and comforting her as she talks to me, and I kept telling her she could do better and that she was a strong native woman. We drop her off at her house and then head toward Chase's house. Now keep in mind all of these events happened in around 4 hours. Iiinteresting night. But yes. I just had to get that out. I felt like the caretaker of the night or something. But I'm glad I could be there to make people feel better. Being sober is definitely a pro in situations like these. Well I am tired. Maybe tomorrow my entry will be more relevant. These past few days have been more "diary"-like entries than the previous ones I've wrriten. Well have a goodnight and take care of yourself, alright:?

Hello! It's been a while since I've written here. I've been busy, and when I haven't been busy, well put bluntly, I've been lazy. Anyways moving on... so last week was interesting.. I'm not a completely social person, but with my new lifestyle and strengthening new & old friendships, I've been active (and still am actually).. so here is a recap of my week from last week:
  I went for coffee @ Zack's with Tanya & Vanessa. It was rather epic. Vanessa is a youth leader in our other Cell group and she basically talked to me and gave me the New Testament to read and look over. She gave me some good points to think about. And she is so nice. I'm glad I have her (and my best childhood friend!) to guide me into Christianity at this point and time in my life. It's really helped. So over cold drinks & bible talk, it was a good night!
  Then on thursday(?), my best friend Chase & I hung out. We didn't know what to do so we just randomized, like we tend to do. First we went to Tim Horton's and then stood in line pretending like we were going to order. We hmmm'ed & hawed over the menu. Saying things out loud.. and then we were like 'screw this, we don't even have money'... hahaha. Then we moved on to find real food because Chase hadn't ate yet so we went to America's favorite restaurant.. MCDICKS! Soooo... he asked the lady how many cheeseburgers he could get for $5 (by the way the correct answer is: 3). Then we started trekking again, and ended up at Value Village. Sooo to waste more time we went in..  He was looking at this shirt that was light blue and had Madonna on it.. it would have been interesting.. if it weren't made for like.. a 9 year old hahah. I was like ummmm... Sure, if you want to look VERY flamboyant. Because he's small... but NO ONE is that small hahaha. The exception being 9  year olds LOL. Then we moved on.. we got to the children/baby section.. now keep in mind, me & Chase have sporadic cases of A.D.D every now and then.. so it was like... A.D.D heaven. hahaha. We started oooh-ing and ahhh-ing over stylish baby clothes and playing with toys LOL. Mann, that was epic. I turned on this pretend work tool that was supposed to be for a toddler and I couldn't even TURN IT OFF!! And Chase was playing with this word speaker thing and making it say "fucking" hahaha. ahhhh. and yeah. An interesting night. I love our random nights together.
  The night before that I had Cell @ Rob & Crystal's house. It was my first time. Colleen was teaching about anxiety that night, and I liked taking it all in. See what I like about this all is that no one judges anyone, like they do in the outside world. I have social anxiety which can be linked back to my school years because kids can be more judgemental than a court room. But here in this group, no one cares what you wear or anything like that. They actually want to listen to you and get to know you for WHO you are, not what you are. Seriously. I just love it. I know that this will help me to become more expressive.  On a lighter note, there were CUPCAKES<3 because it was Becca's birthday. So that was another good night.
  Oh and I also hung out with Vee aka RJ. It's nice to just relax with someone you feel comfortable with.
Also had Cell again last night. Rob was gone on a school trip, so it was just Crystal teaching. She taught about fear of anxiety & dying. About how dying might seem scary, but in all reality when we die we go home to God so really, in the end it's going to be okay. That message was a good one for me, because I can be paranoid about death and what not. Everyone was so hyper last night! I'm still a bit quiet, and I think the group is learning that, so in due time.
  A few things I have to work on this week: My constant swearing. And my useage of God. I never realized HOW much I swore like a sailor until I tried to stop. It's ridiculous! So thats a big thing I'm trying to control. I also never realized how much I used God's name in vain. Thats one of the commandments so I'm also going to work on that really hard this week. Those are my goals to work on this month.
  On a fun note, there are so many concerts this spring and summer, it's SICK!! I need a job. Okay so Avril Lavigne is coming to town in a few mere weeks. I'm stoked. and then theres OPETH going to VANCOUVER. Mannn, I want to go to that one, but we'll see about the money situation. MSI is also going to Vancouver. Got my ticket for that one. I'm excited to see them live, because I hear their such an energetic live band. Slipknot is also touring. They haven't announced their Canadian part yet. But they may not come close to where I live. If not, I'm going to try to go to the Seattle,WA date!! I LOVE Slipknot and it would be awesome to see them. Seriously I am a big concert junkie!! If I ever did a drug, it would be shows!!! Ohhh and also Avenged Sevenfold is coming to Vancouver for the Taste Of Chaose tour but a) too expensive b) not enough good enough bands coming to make me want to shell that kind of money. Sorry AX7! But yes, that is my news.
Well I'm sleepy so I'm going. Take Care!

The entry title isn't as serious as you think it is. I'm talking about religion in this case. As you may have noticed from previous entries that I have been and will continue to be a Unitarian Universalist.
  I have also made a vast decision just a little while ago and thought I would write down my thoughts and experiences this past week. I have decided that I will be a UU with a Christian lifestyle. In other words, I will keep my open-minded ways but also practice religion in a Christian way. I hope that verifies what I'm trying to say.
 Tonight I had coffee with Vanessa, a minister, and Tanya, my eldest childhood friend. We discussed my opening and finalization that came upon me during Elevation 2008 last weekend. Vanessa helped to explain anything I needed to know about beginning my relationship with God and committing myself to Jesus Christ. She also gave me the New Testament bible. I'm grateful that I have such nice, caring people who are willing to guide me into learning and experiencing more during such an open, and life-altering change in my life.
 Let me be completely honest. This last year, I felt like I was losing myself. I can't describe it any better than feeling like.. an orphan almost. Like.. I didn't belong no matter what I tried. It felt like I was a square piece that was trying to fit into a circle puzzle. Last year, I made foolhearty decisions that involved a lifestyle that was rash and otherwise immature. I look back now, and though it may take time, hope that I can repent for my past sins, and rely on God to help me during this growing phase. But as I was saying, it was a time of self-indulgence. You know when you feel like the universe revolves around you? That question that you ask, 'why does this only happen to me? why doesn't anyone feel this way too?'. I asked that many, many times last year. I felt almost like my life was worthless. I wasn't doing anything extraordinary with my life, and I felt like maybe I had nothing to offer. Then I started to learn more about God. Don't get me wrong. This isn't everyone's direction in life. And I will NEVER enforce my opinions on another. Especially my religious views. But, as I was saying, I found God. I started learning about him, and reading through material about him. And it just made sense. God made sense. It was like, I wasn't alone anymore. As I said before, I felt almost like an orphan to life, and then I found my Father, Father God. He filled something in me that was never able to be filled by anything else. His love, was and will always be so good to me.
 I think about it now, and I feel more alive now, than I have in a long time. I feel...wonderful. And I haven't been able to say that in a long, long time. I feel like I know what I'm living for now. And it's Him, and the lessons he has planned for me.
 This has even helped my overall growth. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am a quiet person. I can't tell you how many times I've been told that in my life, for it has been far too much. But during these recent changes, I've noticed I am also becoming more outgoing. Don't get me wrong, it isn't vast, and some may not even notice it. But I do. I feel more at ease with myself. Which makes me more at ease with people. I just feel.. alive.
 Thank you God. Thank you for all that you do for me. And thank you for sacrificing your only son, for our kind. Let us repent for our sins, for it's the least we can do. Let us prove our lives to you, so that you know that your son did not die in vain. Thank you God, not only for the wonderful weekend of realization I had at Elevation but for also strengthening mine & Tanya's friendship and for Tanya's and Vanessa's guidance during this rapid, loving change in my life. And thank you for your warm loving light that surrounds me everyday.

Sooo, Saturday night was the last night of Elevation 2008, unfortunately. I had a good time the two nights I went. The music was nothing short of AMAZING. and Rob made some reallly good points that hit home, during his talks.
 Also: I was saved. Now understand that I have been religious for about.. two or three months now. But I made my first, public commitment to Jesus Christ two nights ago. And even though I have made this commitment during a Christian event, know that I am still a unitarian universalist at heart. I have just decided that I will participate in Christian activities. But my main title is in unitarian universalism. So, that is how my night began. Which reminds me, I need to get a hold of Vanessa. But yes, Elevation was epic, and I quite enjoyed it.
  And then later on after Elevation, I went to the Shell gas station to visit my bestie Chasers<3. Hadn't seen him in ages. There were several other people there that I got to meet for the first time, who were really neat. Now usually I am a really quiet person, but lately I've decided I am going to push myself to become more talkative, and last night it worked!! I wasn't the quiet one in the corner. I was actually talking to everyone there, and it was quite a nice change of events. I think that that is the first time I gave off a first impression that I wanted to give! So, I'm proud that I'm taking such a different, refreshing step in my life. It may not seem like anything big to you, but to me its a LEAP forward. And my new motto: "Any friend of a hug, is a friend of mine" haha. It was probably quite a sight, for Saturday night. Just a bunch of Punks and a 'Goth' (i don't know what people think I am anymore), hugging it out at the Shell ahhahah. Well that night was fun. But Chase is crazy. He is going to get fired, if he continues these antics! tsk tsk.. that boy.
  I'll tell you what though: Jack Daniels doesn't like me. Seriously. Him,Vex, and a B.C. cooler kicked my ass last night!! You know whats good? Ms. Vickies Roasted Red Pepper Grill chips. Not so good? Them coming up 12 hours later. It's like throwing up mashed spicy potatoes. Trust me. Ew.
 BUT! A new resolution, among these others I've made in the past few weeks. My sobriety comes in 1 week. For real,yo. A promise to quit drinking for at least a month. And if I've made it to that mark, then a promise to continue it on afterward. I won't say 'forever' because then you get unrealistic expectations and will most likely fail, then feel miserable. So I'll just say a month, then see how it works after that. So you read it here first. And now I have a reminder to myself.
  Well i'm still super tired and I have to finish up an AMV I'm working on for Sailor Moon. so Good day to all and a to all a good day!
Nakemiin.

Okay, so I'm back from Elevation 2008. That's what the Christian youth conference that I went to was called. It is held on Thursday (today), Friday, and Saturday. I told you I'd write about my experience, and here it is folks! The polls are in..

Fricking EPIC.

Now you may or may not know my upstanding views on Christianity and my own religion Unitarian Universalism. To cut to the chase, I don't believe that a God that is so loving and forgiving would create such a thing as "Hell". And I also don't believe that this same God that holds such knowledge, would judge us at deaths door. Especially for things such as lust,homosexuality,greed,etc. Why would such a loving God be so condemning? Keep in mind these are my opinions. Feel free to argue my points, but also feel free to agree to disagree. Now this is the only thing that bugged me about the conference is that they were basically pushing it into our minds that the above things were real and would happen. I listened. I am an open enough minded person. I took it in. But I also stood by my previous beliefs. Nothing can change that in me. So I didn't fully agree. But thats okay.
To the good things. The part I loved the most tonight, was the music. Because I am an avid music lover and music is such a big part of my life. It can make me happy, it can make me feel free, it can make me feel ALIVE. It's beauty astounds me. And the band that was playing tonight, The Shift Band (as their known as), has tremendous talent. You could feel their passion in their music, not only for the music but for God and Jesus as well. I felt it. In every guitar stroke, every hit of the drum, and every key of every word. I could feel it. And it felt fabulous. You may think I'm being dramatic, but seriously, music speaks more words to me than any sentences you could put in front of me. You could feel everyone's faith in that room, their hopes, their dreams, their worship. All this love in one room. And to be honest.. it truly felt as if I was in the presence of God.. I read in one of Sylvia Browne's (she is a renowned, appraised, TRUE psychic if you don't know who I'm talking about), and her spirit guide talks about how God is in every one of us. We are a part of God. And it felt like with all the bodies in the room who were open to God and felt and returned his love, it felt as if he was there, because WE were there. Do you know what I mean?
But yes. And the readings, though we didn't go into a lot of that tonight, were as interesting. I'd like to learn more into Christianity, but I'd like to be honest right here as well. I will always ALWAYS be a unitarian universalist, and I will always believe in Gnostic Christianity. While I enjoy some of Christianity's ways,  I believe in Gnosticism. There IS a difference between Gnostic Christianity and Christianity. But  I see no wrong in combining these experiences, and learnings, and beliefs together. For it is I who decides in what I choose to believe in. I do not have to believe in Every Single Thing someone else believes in.  So my promise is to go into this with an open mind, and learn more. Not only for myself, but for the knowledgeable God who values my experiences. Nakemiin!

Wellll, the day has finally dawned upon us! HAPPY SCREW DAY EVERYONE!!!
Okay so the world has a lot weird, overrated holiday, but in my honest opinion this one beats them all. Don't get me wrong, it was cute when we were like.. 7 years old and had to hand out cards to everyone in our classroom.. but now.. since when did we ever need a holiday in order to tell someone we love them? Shouldn't that be..a year round thing..
Then again maybe I'm one of those bitter people hahaha. I've always been in a relationship either before or after the big "day". At the moment I don't care though, I've lost faith in the selection of 'men' in my town. So, I've closed off dating for a while.
At least I still have good friends that make me believe that there are a few good men left. Anyways, todays entry won't be a deep one. Just a regular, 'day in the life of' kind.
  Man.. it's weird.. I think a friend of mine was subtly hitting on me today.. it's hard to tell because he's one of those quiet types (like me, might I add). Either way.. it was unexpected.. but cute.. because out of anyone's intentions, I know that I could trust his. He's such a cutie!
 So today I am going to a youth conference with one of my childhood friends. I am intrigued because I have been on a religious quest for a while now.. though I am not sure if I am ready for christianity.. I think I prefer remaining a Unitarian Universalist.. but I will go in with an open mind and see how it goes. I don't even know what it's about to be honest, but like I said, my interest is piqued and besides I haven't seen my friend for quite some time. (Even though we're neightbouors.. haha.. don't ask). It's supposed to be a weekend thing, so we'll see how it goes. I shall update you later on.
  On another note. I forgot. I was supposed to hang out with another good friend of mine. Man, lately I look back and either a) I am a bad friend or b) the people I know suxxorz. I don't know. I just don't feel the same support and love that I used to in ALOT of my friendships. So I've been taking a step back lately. Spending some time alone to clear my head on a lot of things. I really want to change as a person. I want more personality. I want to be more outgoing. Maybe I need more life experience? It's time for some changes, for real.
  Oh well. I'm still really tired so I think this entry ends here. I'll be back later to let you know how the conference went. Happy V Day and send someone you love a card or something. Now wheres MY darn chocolate?

ps: Azna, I got your sign. Thank you for your everlasting protection and love. I Believe In You.

Wow.. don't ask why.. but I've been feeling more deep than usual lately..
So basically I ran across this website the other day. It showed what a tsunami did to this one country. There were dead people everywhere. It's so weird what death looks like. It looks like sleep, but it's so final. There were many dead children too. And of all the other pictures, the one that affected me most was how the survivors were rushing for water bottles that the American crews had brought. Now don't get me wrong. I'm a little worldly. I'm not oblivious to what goes on in other countries besides my own. I know that somewhere across the world someone is dying a torturous death, while another has hunger pangs I cannot begin to imagine, among many other things.
  But heres what really hit me. Yesterday I was flipping through a magazine. You know, one of those girly ones with guy advice and fashion tips and all of that jazz. It always hits me like a ton of bricks on how selfish and vain our society in North America is. We are over -indulgent people who have such a twisted perception were we think we never have enough. It's alarming. Because you think about how so many people are dying of hunger, something we simply take for granted. Hell, sometimes we don't even finish our meals because we're too full. That's how much food we actually have. Man, others are dying because it's too cold and they don't have proper clothes or even shoes! And here we are, some of us have a closet full of clothes. And I know most of us have at least one pair of shoes. Just little things like this that we grossly take for granted. Not only is it disturbing, it's sick.
  Especially extravagant lifestyles. You know what I'm talking about. I'm not only discussing celebrities, because heck some of them even do charity work. I'm also discussing millionares, even average joes who make more than enough money. You know whats the saddest thing? When I hear that someone bought a $500,000 vehicle. Or the joe that buys a $4 million dollar house. What the hell? Who really needs that much space! What's wrong with a regular house.. You know what I say to those people? Good for you. May you pat yourself on back for being like everyone else and trying to best others. While you were out buying that car or house, at least thousands of people died. The money spent on such silly things could have enriched others lives.
  I guess my question is, when did we become so egocentric? When did we become so ignorant to our neighbouring countries needs? Because if something were happening to a friend you would do anything to help them out. But because it's a stranger, its like we find no time or need to help them. We put so much faith that God will take care of these 'problems' for us. When I think it's God who wants us to take that faith and shine it upon others. Maybe it's him who's waiting for US as a majority to shine his love unto others. It's time we start realizing that only we can fix our own problems. The peace that we want is right in front of us. It's up to us to take its hand and extend it's power of love to our neighbours. To spread comfort & unity among ourselves. If we want peace among all of these countries, we need to understand and get to know them first.
  Maybe I'm a dreamer. But it's better to believe in a dream, than to live in a nightmare. Think about it.
Nakemiin! (Finnish for 'See You').

FOREWARNING: THIS JOURNAL ENTRY DEALS WITH RELIGION IN A SERIOUS MATTER, AND MAY CONFLICT WITH YOUR OWN OPINIONS. IF YOU ARE NOT OPEN-MINDED OR CANNOT DEAL WITH RELIGION IN A MATURE MATTER, I SUGGEST YOU STOP HERE. THE FOLLOWING ARE MERELY THE AUTHORS OPINIONS  AND IN NO WAY IS TRYING TO BE CONFLICTING.

Wow... two entries in one day.. I hope I don't get addicted to this LiveJournal thing! haha..moving onto more serious topics..
Anyway, the second topic of the day is a controversial one: "The Higher Power" aka whatever one chooses to believe in.. whether it be God, Allah,Buddah,Jehova,The Creator or even nothing at all. Everyone, and trust me on this, EVERYONE has an opinion on this conflicting subject. Just the same, everyone believes in something, even if they choose to believe in nothing at all, regarding a higher power.
 I guess what I want to bring up are two separate things: a) hypocrisy and b) the question why. Let me explain..

<Side-note: Any reference to God in this entry, can be replaced with whatever higher power you choose to believe in>

 A) Hypocrisy in Religion:
Now some of you may ask, what hypocrisy? While others would jump in and say "Hear Ye, Hear Ye!" or however that expression is spelled. Before I start my hypothesis, let me tell you what I believe in. I'm what is called a "Unitarian Universalist". It's a fairly new term, and Wikipedia defines Unitarian Universalism as: "a religious movement characterized by its support of a 'free and responsible search for truth and meaning', drawing on many different sources and having a wide range of beliefs and practices." Broken down basically its a religion in which you may believe in whatever you want, and practice in whatever way as long as its an ethical, responsible,mature way.
For me, I believe in God. But I will not be forced in Christianity or their way of life. Why? Be forewarned that what I say ahead, may offend. But the reason why is because this religion seems to want to scare their followers into becoming one unified group that follows every order of the church. Ironic? Very. Because this same religion claims their God is a tolerant,loving deity who forgives and loves all. But the same people turn around and spit venom upon subjects like Homosexuality & "Sinning". So if their God is so accepting, how come this God doesn't accept gay or lesbian people? It's just too contradictory, leading me to believe that it is not God that doesn't tolerate homosexuals, it's the PEOPLE. Their trying to force their opinions on everyone like the "wronging of homosexuality" (most likely because it's something that scares THEM themselves), while maintaining a 'holy' image and using God as a scapegoat to make people understand their intolerance. So this is why I choose to believe in God, but not in forced,ruled religions like Christianity. I apologize if this offends anyone in any way. This is simply my belief, and if you can't tolerate it, at least agree to disagree.
I mean I'm sorry, but I highly doubt that God is going to be angry because your choosing to be in relationships with the same gender. The man upstairs seems much more open-minded than that, wouldn't one think? Which leads to my next subtopic..

B) The Question "Why"
Now what I mean by that is when people question God's ways. For example, when someone says "WHY would God let that happen?" or "Why isn't God doing more to help us?" or "Why doesn't God answer my prayers?". I could answer these questions right now for you.
  1)Why Would God Let (fill in blank with a horrendous event here) Happen?
It's like a good friend once told me, that if you never felt sadness how would you know what happiness is? If you never felt pain when would you feel joy? Sure, you have a basic idea of those emotions. But didn't you understand and appreciate them more when you went through something that contradicted that feeling? And when it comes down to it, the reason for EVERYTHING that happens in our lives is the pure value of the lesson. If we came to live on Earth, and did nothing but be happy and laughed and lived forever, what could possibly be gained from that? We would learn nothing, and our time on Earth would basically be worthless. You may ask why. Think about your state of mind when you are completely happy and surrounded by love for a long period of time. You become content and don't want to do anything to change that. And if that were true and applied to us and living, we would be nowhere near where we are today. We are advanced, and that is because we keep moving forward.
  2)Why Isn't God Doing More To Help Us?
Because it is not up to God to control our destinies. Think of Earth & Life as school. We all are simply students here, and have come here to learn. God is the principal. Just because he's the highest power and has all the answers, doesn't necessarily  mean he's going to take your exam for you, or do your homework for you after class. Then it'd be too easy wouldn't it, and you would wonder then why you were even there in the first place. And when you finally got your assignment back, even with a perfect mark, it wouldn't mean as much to you, because you weren't the one to do the work for it. Think about this for a minute or two.
  3)Why Doesn't God Answer My Prayers?
Sometimes I'm curious as to why logic doesn't occur to people. Think of all the people who pray to God. YOU are not the only person trying to speak to God. We are such an arrogant species, it amazes me sometimes. Of course God is trying to be there for us, he's trying to be the support you need. But he's only got one phone. And by now probably a billion voicemail messages he's going to have to check. So if he hasn't gotten around to you yet, don't feel let down. God is a busy man. And as long as you keep your faith in him, he is always in your heart.
 
Well that about summarizes what I wanted to get out. Wow. I can't tell if this LiveJournal thing is a good thing (because I get to vent my opinons) or a bad thing (I might be on here way too much!). Either way, if I was able to make you think for even a second, I did my job. And even if you agree with absolutely nothing I've just written, that's okay too. Because just like we weren't made to live 100% happy lives, we weren't all made to have the same opinions or even like everyone's opinions. Good day!

So, this journal will be relatively shorter than the others.
But I have a question today. Why do humans make boundaries for every single thing on this earth? Let me explain. We act like there can't possibly be anything bigger than us. If something is inexplainable to us, then we either choose to ignore it, or are afraid of it and try to use logic to break it down.
Are we that arrogant of a species that we can't believe that there actually might be things we cannot explain? My answer is that if we've never experienced the "questionable" thing before, of course we won't be able to know what it is. So why are we so scared?  Why can't we just let some things be. Like that one Beatles song, "Let it be, let it be, let it be".. Don't we ever get tired of trying to come up with answers that we don't have for some things in this life?
So if someone ever tells you "oh that can't be possible" or "your crazy", don't believe it. If you feel in your heart that whatever your trying to explain, is pure and true, then never let someone else's doubts become your own. Instead question their arrogance that conveys that there is nothing that can't be explained. Because let me tell you, some of the most wonderous, and enlightening things can't be explained.. love.. whatever god you choose to believe in.. spirits.. and so much more.

So, today's journal will probably be another rant. You know whats annoying? Fan Girls. I'm talking about those girls that only like a band or someone in the band because of their looks. Their obsessed. Everything about the person they adore is perfect, and they want to meet this person, and they get all pissy when this person actually decides to date or ... gasp.. get married?!?
Grow the fuck up. Seriously. Sure, its okay to have an infatuation. It's a part of life. But nowadays I see these girls that obsess over.. let's take a look at one of my favorite band's singers... Ville Valo.
Sure, the guy isn't downright ugly. He's cute. And his singing and writing leave an interesting touch on your ears. Hell, HIM is one of my top three bands. I've seen them live and they give off a great performance. I never had a huge problem with Ville-Fan GIrls. Until the concert. Who here has been to a mosh pit, raise your hands? Okay so I went to HIM's November concert in Vancouver,BC. Personally they could have played in a bigger area, but that isn't what this journal is initially about.. no.. what pissed me off was the "mosh pit whiners". All these little girls were trying to push in front of me (to see the "beautiful perfect Ville Valo, lyke OMG *drooolllll**", ugh shut the fuck up!) and I was like, hell no. I've been a fan of the band for 6 years (probably alot longer than half of the people there I guarantee you, who probably only started listening to HIM after "Wings Of A Butterfly" became a radio smash over in Canada) so I was going to damn sure I made front row. I did what anyone knows the mosh pit is about: I pushed back. I was in front of these two annoying girls.. they kept giving me evil looks, making little "plots" to push me out of the way so I wouldn't dare interrupt their "ville valo view", and basically bitching whenever I pushed right on back. Rule No.1: Do NOT whine in a mosh pit. Not only is it unneccessarily annoying, but I advise these people don't go to a Slipknot concert any day soon... Rule No.2: If you push in  a mosh pit, you WILL be pushed back. Deal With It. I know people who've broken ribs, and gotten fractures in the pit. Don't complain and moan when you get a bruise.. maybe you'll actually look a little more hardcore. *rolls eyes*. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that these Fan Girls are getting out of hand!!!
Using my example, Ville Valo, I see comments on Youtube and forums and all these little fan girls and how they want to "marry" Valo or "Do" him or how he's "perfect, flawless,god-like" etc. Puke much? YOU LITTLE KIDS DON'T EVEN KNOW VILLE VALO PERSONALLY!! Let it the fuck go. And stop ruining a good concert for the rest of us DEDICATED FANS WHO AREN'T INTO THE BAND JUST BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DECENT SINGER!! What happened to the frickin` music...
  Wow. wasn't expecting to write that much. That had it coming to it though. Moving on. Speaking of, I was watching an interview with Ville speaking in his Finnish language. Now before I procceed, this next bit of information is NOT hypocritical. Read on to understand what I'm talking about. Finnish seems like an interesting language. I'd like to get to understand it, maybe even learn it. and NO it's not because of 'him'. I've always liked a challenge. I've also been trying to learn Japanese. And maybe Spanish in the near future. i think it would be awesome to be bilingual and have contact with people you couldn't otherwise, with just knowing your native language. So, I think I'm going to invest more into these languages. Knowledge is power! Well I'm off... Have a good day! Nakemiin!!

Woot! 2nd entry. Maybe I'm ready to make a commitment to this journal thingy.
 Funny actually, following entry 1, I got a phone call from Ex "1" today. He's misinterpreted why I am not talking to him right now. You see, I got a mutual friend of ours to deal with some things that this ex owed me. And his phone call was about him wondering why I got our friend to do this, and that it wasn't him that wanted us to stop talking. Just that he hasn't had access to a phone or anything as of late. I feel bad because it seems like he's taking some blame from this situation that is entirely my fault. Let me explain:
 So I was supposed to hang out with this Ex one day. I went over to his house. Then I got a phone call from a close friend of mine. They wanted me to hang out. So I told my ex I'd be back later. I even left some of my stuff with them to guarantee my 'return' (because I had broken a similar promise, earlier on that year). The thing is I didn't return. And the worse thing is that I didn't feel that bad about it..
 Know that I felt and do feel horrible about this situation.. it's just that.. I don't know.. maybe deep down I WANT my ex to hate me for a reason.. So I guess I'm going to have a talk about him with this. Because to be honest I've ditched him twice now, and it's never a nice feeling to be let down. I finally realize though.. it's just a way for me to make him let me go..
 So I will talk to him. Because he deserves an answer and he deserves to move on from this friendship.
Please forgive me. You were an honest and fun individual. Whether you believed it or not, you made me smile. And even though we fought alot, I've never been able to express myself like that to someone, so that must count for something. Because for all our problems we've always talked them out. So no matter what happens.. just.. thank you. I guess I just needed an excuse to make you want to move on from me. I'm sorry I wasn't more mature or wiser to think of another way...
 Moving on, I need to find a job. I've been slacking it lately and to be honest its boring. I'd rather be working, doing something, and earning money to be doing it. So I think I'm going to get that resume done and hit up some places. I also need to get my ID. I'm TWENTY YEARS OLD and I still do not have two valid pieces of ID -enter rolled eyes & sarcastic laughing here-.  Well, I am tired so I think I will end today's entry here. Good day.